Here & Lurking

I’ve been here and lurking for years now. I’ve moved all blogging over to MySpace for anyone who didn’t know that. Of course, I haven’t really been blogging that much anyway. Well, I’ll be moving back over here for one aspect of my life and that is my “worry journal.” I’ve been officially labeled with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and need to keep track of what I worry about, how it makes me feel, and what I do to relieve the feelings. Since I forgot to bring my papers this morning I got to thinking about how much I hate writing things out by hand and how I should just do this thing online so I am. And instead of making a new journal to do it I just thought I would use one I already had since it wasn’t in use. If you don’t want to hear about my daily worries and how they make me feel, feel free to remove me as your friend, I won’t be offended.

Stop the world! I wanna get off!!

The lights I saw last week haven’t changed yet I have began having major problems again. I feel like a caged Tiger. I’m pacing the bars, swinging at anything that comes near me because I’m so pissed off to be in here. I have too much time to think. If I could just shut off my brain and just do stuff that needs to be done I would be just fine. But the thoughts keep coming and the disappointment keeps coming and the void keeps growing. I think I’ve determined my last hope for a good paying job is gone. I’ll e-mail my sister and see if she has heard anything through the grapevine but the job listing is gone. Filling out the application for the loan made me well aware of my financial situation yet again. I feel so useless!! I just want to work. The annoying part is that I know whatever I do I’m always good at but the damn people won’t even give me a chance. Most of the time I don’t even get an interview. If I do get an interview I’m screwed because my personality is so off from what most people like. I try to sound normal and end up sounding more needy. I don’t know what to do.